A weary soul

I mostly try to use this space to stay positive and be encouraging – I want to help you (and myself!) to embrace the truth that our personal faith lives need not suffer because our spouses don’t share our faith. But I also want to be real; and really, I don’t always feel upbeat. Sometimes I feel defeated, hopeless, and weary. Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle to keep my faith alive and vibrant when no one in my home is encouraging me in that endeavour.

I’ve spoken many times about the power of the rosary, and what an important, beautiful devotion it is. I truly believe that. But… I can’t remember the last time I prayed a rosary. Life got hectic, and I let it fall by the wayside for a day, then a few days, then a week or two, and now it’s probably been a couple of months. I keep meaning to get back to it, but I feel very spiritually depleted at the moment. It’s a struggle just to say a few words to the Lord here and there throughout the day. It’s a long time since I’ve sat down with Scripture outside of Mass.

I want to try to do better – and I know there will be seasons of a richer faith life in the future. It can seem hard, even futile, though, when your spouse doesn’t see the value of prayer. It would be so much easier if he would say, “why don’t we pray together for a few minutes before bed?”, or even, “how can I pray for you?”

I’m saying this in the interests of transparency. I want to encourage you, but I also want you to know that a lot of the time, I feel like I’m failing. I think about what it would take for me, in my particular circumstances, to become a saint – and I feel crushed under the weight of my distance from sainthood.

So if your soul is weary, know you are not alone. And know that this too shall pass. In the meantime, let’s ask for Elisabeth Leseur, St. Monica and Our Lady to pray for us. If we feel up to it, let’s pray for each other, too.

2 thoughts on “A weary soul

  1. Gina… Thank you sooo much for sharing your heart. I needed this today. When it came in my inbox this morning and I read it (while at work) I got that lump in my throat and eyes filled up. I’m right there with you. I definitely have waves of faithfulness with an unwilling spouse… I’m on the right track doing all the things and then as you said days turn into weeks. I’m going to confession this Saturday… my soul needs it. Hope that refreshes me a bit. I’m praying for you sister. Just know that when I read your thoughts, a whisper told me “see someone has your cross too!”.
    – Here’s to lending you a helping hand to carry yours.
    Alex

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    1. Hi Alexandra, thank you for commenting. I’m glad these words were a balm for you – I guess that was the Holy Spirit! Confession is a great idea – I let it go for ages, and finally made a point of going last week, and it truly felt like a weight lifted from my soul. I’ll be praying for you!

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